Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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