i think i have herpe
just one?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
