Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
