can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
