if you like me you must not know who I am
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
