every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Is Oprah even human
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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