he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
