You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
