What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
