Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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