My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I came so hard my ears popped.
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