this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
