Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
