god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
