kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
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