I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We have started to decorate penises.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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