You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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