I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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