Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
