WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
