So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Randomize
