its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
