I wish I could teleport
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
