I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
