I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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