remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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