You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
