I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
