Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
