One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
