This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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