You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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