roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
