if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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