its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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