Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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