We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
