Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
