i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
