i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
