i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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