Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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