I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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