Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
