a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
