I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
