wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
