Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
