guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
