She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
