I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
