I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
