6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
