you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
