i will never coherently bang her
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
