In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
