Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
