every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Randomize
