I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
