I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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