I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
