True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
